why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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