I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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