I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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