i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
