Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So squirting runs in the family.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
