speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
