Ambien. No doubt about it.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
