I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
