Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im six kinds of drunk right now
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
