i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
