I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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