just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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