He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
