Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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