I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
