I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
