Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
