Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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