my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
