That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
