it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
