and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
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Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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