Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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