That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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