I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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