hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Are we still banned from the library?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
