Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
