I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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