next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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