I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
