Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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