we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Of course I have a pirate flag
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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