walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
