Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
