Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
