i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
