and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
