i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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