two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
