I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
