Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
