No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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