is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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