all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
