my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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