whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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