i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
