member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just high enough for therapy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
