I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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