We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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