I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
