I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
