Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
