yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
