i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just pee around me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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