Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
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Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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