note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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