guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
