I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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