Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
