guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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