all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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